As many of you know, I am making chocolates this year. Truffles, peanut butter cups, cashew logs, almond joys, peanut brittle. I am thrilled. I have been searching for cool candy boxes. Any ideas? Also I am making 6 different kinds of truffles. Any ideas there. I am making three based on cocktails and three others. GIVE ME IDEAS PLEASE!!! I AM DESPERATE!!
Top ten signs that point to my “gaiety”.
10. I can crochet, cross stitch, sew, and craft.
9. I’m design saavy. Many females ask for my advice with colors, balance and decorating.
8. Sometimes I organize my DVDs and videos by the color of their cases.
7. My voice is feminine. People call me ma’am on the phone all the time.
6. I love to read celebrity gossip.
5. I love Musicals.
4. I owned Debbie Gibson’s first album.
3. When I was little my two friends, Ariann and Allison, and I used to fight over who got to be the mom when we played house.
2. I used to love Peter Tork from the Monkees.
1. I like to watch The View, The View for God’s sake.
Some of my favorite Britcoms:
Little Britain which is coming to HBO sometime soon
French and Saunders, a brilliant pair
Vicar Of Dibley, Also with Dawn French. Emma Chambers is hilarious
Last but not least two clips from The Catherine Tate Show.
These are my ten reasons I hate camping. If you must know.
10. Bad weather, bugs and dirt
9. Smelling like a campfire(although you never realize how bad it is until you get home and shower and go to throw your clothes in the hamper and nearly die of a stroke from the smell. Sorry if you’ve had a stroke before. I’m not trying to be insensitive to the stroke-related community)
8. No stores, hospitals or hotels close by
7. Defecating outdoors(rolls eyes)
6. No comforts of home(I want my MTV and armchair)
5. Packing shit, unpacking shit(I know. I know. I usually just sit around and watch while other people do that. So what. It’s exhausting watching how hard they are working.)
4. Tents(I hate the smell of tents, I hate the sound of tents, I hate the feel of tents)
3. Other Campers surrounding you.(I hate when people are in your visual sight of where you are camping. I want to be isolated.)
2. Sleeping on the freaking ground(Nothing is funner than waking up with a damn sore back, care of mother nature)
1. Stupid freaking allergies. vomit vomit vomit
So yes I hate camping. I hate it very much. I don’t understand why people need to go camping frequently. I like camping in hotels. Does someone want to camp at the Doubletree Inn? Fine. I’m in. But don’t ask me to camp. Please DEAR GOD PLEASE. I don’t want to do it.
“It was full day of eating for both” - Narrator from Into the Woods speaking of Little Red Riding Hood, who had been eating sweets all day long and The Big Bad Wolf who had eaten Little Red Riding Hood.
Jen picked me up at five to eleven because Brett had been filling the van with gas. She had specifically said “ten to eleven”, but here she was. I knew we’d never be friends again as I prefer my friends not to lie to me and to be on time. We drove to Verio to get Desiree and Dorise. Neither were there. More late friends. (shakes head slow in disappointment) Well we got underway at last. We were headed to Caputo’s Market. When we arrived the Farmer’s market was going on across the street from Caputo’s. So we circled the parking for quite a while looking for a close space so fatty(me) didn’t have to do much walking. What? I’m lazy! Anyway we had to walk through the farmer’s market or as some people call it the hippie festival(Desiree). Which it was, as we soon smelled wafts of pot smoke working its way through the crowd. Which after a while made me think. I have the munchies.
So we went to Carlucci’s. I had the most delicious lunch. Two half sandwiches. One Black Forest Ham and Brie(which was pretty good). One herbed garlic goat cheese(which made me cry and stand up and applaud and ask for an encore) After I was asked to leave, I snuck back in and finished my fruit tart, my AMAZING fruit tart. I also had a raspberry cream Italian soda. Everyone tried it but Desiree. I knew we’d never be friends again as I hate it when people don’t try things.
After lunch we went into Caputo’s Market where I went crazy. I got some awesome olive oil(It was unfiltered and very flavorful), some anchovie paste, tomato paste(both in tubes), some San Marzano canned tomatoes(the best according to everyone on the food network), an assortment of cheeses(Manchego(my current favorite), Jarlsberg, and Gruyere), a couple meats(Prosciutto di Parma and Pancetta), a couple cases of lemon soda, some wonderfully wrapped pastas, and some other things which I won’t bore you with(Dijon Mustard, Arborio Rice and chocolates). I only spent $135. That’s not bad right? RIGHT?
Then it was off to the wine store. We all wanted some wine to cook with and some of us wanted to get some to drink(Why are you all looking at me? Shut it!) Dorise needed a specific wine that was wrote on a piece of paper. I knew we would never be friends again as I hate when people go by shopping lists. I never did find out what kind of wine either. Anyhow I got a great Chianti(No I didn’t get fava beans(Which, by the way, are a lot like Lima beans), a nice Pinot Noir, and a Chardonnay.
Then it was back to home. It was a good day.
That night I went with Jen’s family(Jen, Brett, Brad and Lissy) to Superbad. It was the greatest comedy of the year for sure. A very good Saturday indeed. And now I’m ready to cook.
There! There’s your stupid blog post everyone! Now get off my back!
Do you ever have those days when you wake up knowing positively you have glaucoma? I did this morning.
Nessun dorma! Nessun dorma!
Ma il mio mistero è chiuso in me,
il nome mio nessun saprà!
No, no, Dilegua, o notte! Tramontate, stelle!
Tramontate, stelle! All’alba vincerò!
Vincerò! Vincerò!
Nobody shall sleep!… Nobody shall sleep!
But my secret is hidden within me, my name no one shall know… No!…No!
Vanish, o night! Set, stars! At dawn, I will win! I will win! I will win!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oxTy7KIAaA]
So I normally don’t watch American Idol, America’s Got Talent, etc. I don’t even watch Britain’s Got Talent, but this….this is something of greatness.
“He’s been missing for two days”, she said fingering the curl in her hair. Just then my office was bombed. The whole thing exploded. Both of us dead. I knew it. The terrorists. George W Bush was right. Stupid Bush!
She was eating a bowl of Fruity Pebbles when she walked through the door to my office. Her blonde hair was all blondish. She had more curves on her than a chopstick. Well, sometimes the end of a chopstick is curvy. And she had two major curves, the upper and the lower. That was her alright, Mallmsy Qualls, and she sort of looked pissed. “Mallsmy, honey. What can I do for you?”, I inquired jauntily to lighten her mood. “Don’t honey me, you son of a bitch. We haven’t dated for 10 years.”, She cursed at me. “Sorry Mallm, what’da ya need?”, I replied more coolly. “It’s my husband, Ralphie, he’s missing. I need your help to find him.”, she put her bowl down on my desk right next to my ‘Jeremy McAllister, Detective’ sign. The spoon flipped out of the bowl springing a pebble onto the green blotter covering most of the hardwood top. She had attitude. I remembered why we weren’t together anymore. She was too independent for me. “And why should I do that?”, I raised my eyebrows. “Because you owe me.”, she snapped. “I owe you, do I? And why is that?”, I folded my arms. “Because you ran over my Cat.”, she sobbed a little. “Oh yeah, I always did like your daughter. Sorry about that. Alright I’ll help”, I said exasperated. I looked in her eyes. They were dark and unkind. Something wasn’t right with this situation. Not right at all. I put my hand in my pocket and carressed my Colt 45.
Tune in for the next episode. I know, I know. Deal with it.
No one likes a tattle-tale.