What The Hell Does Rant Mean?

I have a new favorite wallpaper.  This is Nora.  She is Blake and Lisa’s baby girl.  And when I look at this picture.  Her face.  It fills me with a joy I rarely feel.  And I’ve very grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. It’s the day to give thanks so I wanted to individually thank my readers, to whom I am grateful.

Becca-To the greatest friend who hates material printed with shoes and purses but loves the old classic movies. You are truly the loveliest and I am extremely grateful to know you. I may be dead right now if I hadn’t. Thank you for being my number one.

Jake-To my best friend who loves the drink and hates America’s Next Top Model and fabric stores. Not to mention my oldest friend who basically introduced me to the most incredible friends I have now. The people I call my family. Thank you for being my brother.

Mallory-To an awesome photographer who continually inspires me. Thanks for listening to my bullshit all day long. You are so important to me and I am very thankful we went to Wendover because that kicked off this life lasting friendship. Plus if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have this blog. So thank Mallmsy you lucky people.

Sarah-To a true loose tooth who is my craft guru. If I need an idea, you are there with several and you’ll search exhaustively for more. To your good spelling and kick-ass blog. I’m very thankful I have a good friend like you, who’ll let me bug her all day long.

Jen-To my number one source of laughter at work. You have been such a great friend. Always giving me rides home. Always getting my ice and drinks and snacks. I can tell you anything crazy or weird about myself and know you won’t say an unkind word. Thanks for everything you do for me and letting me lean on you.

Desiree-To the lady with good taste out the wazoo. You have really been a treat to work with. Always great with the sarcastic comebacks. I can always trust the sarcastic the most. Thanks for listening to my rants and competing in the great laze-off. You are truly a great friend.

Lisa-To the sensible and fantastic other loose tooth. Who knows her musicals as well as I do. And dispenses great advice, particularly in the zombie region. To the lover of DBo and library books. Thanks for all the great craft ideas. And hilarious stories like pink scrabble. I look forward to finally meeting you in person because we are kindred spirits.

Marci-To the closest perfect woman. Beautiful, unbelievably kind, cooks brilliantly. You are pure and it’s refreshing. Thank you for being so nice to me. The kind-hearted is a dying breed and I’m grateful to know at least one.

Tifany-To my theatrical sweet. You make my life more interesting. To the giggles after each sentence and your hilarious naivety. I could live in your hugs. Thank you for making me laugh and being so great to me.

Dorise-To one hilarious chicky-pie. You are so fun to work with and am constantly saddened by how far away from me you sit. I love going to Salt Lake shopping with you. You are unafraid to be yourself and it’s very inspiring to be myself. Thank you for being my friend, you are truly one whom everyone adores.

Brent(Bob)-To a trickster boss who makes working fun. From your great Muttley laughter to your evil eye. Thanks for giving my the right answers when I need them and for making our work atmosphere light and comfortable to work in. I call you friend.

Melissa(Meryl)-To our newest mommy at work. From Derringer Meryl to your other anime characters. To your contagious laughter. Thanks for putting up with all of us crazies. Hey! Wait! You’re a crazy too. Thanks for being my friend.

Kevin-To my php genius. From an embarrassingly merry house to that’s what she said. Thanks for being there for me.

To those I have not mentioned. It’s only because I never realized you read this blog. Maybe you should start commenting so I know. Hahahaha! Really I love comments! Seriously though. Thank you for reading. Hopefully I can keep this up for many years to come. HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!

A happy, happy birthday to Lisa from me. Happy birthday to a new busy mommy. Well at least you don’t have to deal with blood and dwarves.

[CINDERELLA’S PRINCE]
If it weren’t for the thicket…

[RAPUNZEL’S PRINCE]
A thicket’s no trick, is it thick?

[CINDERELLA’S PRINCE]
It’s the thickest.

[RAPUNZEL’S PRINCE]
The quickest is pick it apart with a stick.

[CINDERELLA’S PRINCE]
Yes but even one prick. It’s my thing about blood.

[RAPUNZEL’S PRINCE]
Well it’s sick.

[CINDERELLA’S PRINCE]
It’s no sicker than your thing with dwarves.

[RAPUNZEL’S PRINCE]
Dwarves??

[CINDERELLA’S PRINCE]
Dwarves!

[RAPUNZEL’S PRINCE]
Dwarves are very upsetting!!

from Into the Woods by Stephen Sondheim

Happy Birthday, Lisa. Many happy returns of the day!

I spent the weekend watching three seasons of “The Office”. I had never seen it before really and I thought I should edumacate myself in the ways. Well it turns out that I am one with ‘The Office’. In fact this is a conversation I had with eSarah recently.

[08:52] hobbes8u: I watched three seasons of The Office last weekend
[08:52] hobbes8u: I had never watched it before
[08:52] eSarah: oooooooOOooOo
[08:52] hobbes8u: Isn’t Pam Beesley the girl from it?
[08:52] eSarah: yes.
[08:53] hobbes8u: AH HA!!!
[08:53] hobbes8u: awesome
[08:53] eSarah: lol
[08:53] hobbes8u: I guess I’ve never clicked on that link
[08:54] hobbes8u: But I am totally Officed up
[08:55] hobbes8u: What I mean is
[08:55] hobbes8u: I have jumped off the the diving board of comedy and cannonballed into the pool of The Office and I think the temperature of the water is ‘just right’

The link in question was on Lisa’s list of favorite links.

So there you go. Feel free to chat me up about Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration or Diversity day anytime.

I recently had very important discussion with Lisa.

Lisa: in case of zombie infestation
Lisa: would you…
Lisa: A
Lisa: go to the nearest costco where they have gas pumps, a mechanics shop, food (and food prep areas), furniture, barbecues, tvs, dvds, books, clothing, diamonds, and pretty much anything you could ask for all in one location?
Lisa: or B
Lisa: choose a large municipal building like a school or church with open fields nearby, build a wall around it, and send out missions for food and supplies, etc
hobbes8u: Oh definitely Costco
Lisa: THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING
hobbes8u: And I think it’s worth mentioning their twelve pack muffins outside of the general label food
Lisa: i might have slanted the scenarios a bit in favor of costco, but that’s the general idea. i forget all the benefits of the compound BECAUSE REALLY, BUILD A WALL?
Lisa: oh, damn, those muffins ARE tasty
hobbes8u: No kidding
hobbes8u: And where are they gonna get the material for the wall I might ask
Lisa: excellent question
Lisa: probably from dismantling the nearby houses
Lisa: i’ll have to ask blake
Lisa: is is the major proponent of the compound idea
hobbes8u: haha
Lisa: the first is was supposed to be a “he” there
hobbes8u: No costco. You see those food missions alone are highly dangerous
hobbes8u: And you’d have to make them often
hobbes8u: costco eliminates that need
Lisa: that’s what i said! i think blake’s plan is supposed to be more of a long-term solution. like, we would plant crops and have cattle and things.
Lisa: i’m not sure where we would get the cattle in metropolitan salt lake city. like, can you send away for them in capsules in the back of boy’s life magazine?
hobbes8u: But wouldn’t the zombies die off within in a month or so
Lisa: well i guess it depends on the zombie myth you buy into
Lisa: if it’s the rage virus, then yes
…
hobbes8u: ….It’s the rage virus that makes quick zombies. The normal variety are quite lethargic.
hobbes8u: and that would open up more choices
Lisa: so, slower zombies means more time to build a wall, but i don’t think traditional zombies ever die
hobbes8u: That’s true.
hobbes8u: And a timeshare in Aspen isn’t going to help
Lisa: heee. not in any way that i can see
hobbes8u: I’m going to think on this some more. It does intrigue me.

So what are your thoughts? Who knows when zombies are going to take over. WHO KNOWS WHEN??? And with popular zombie movies appearing more frequently, we need to start talking about this now.

Happy 4/20. I know, I know. I haven’t posted forever. But I just spent the past four days reading twolooseteeth.com and have enjoyed every bit of it. I know what you are thinking. Didn’t I already talk about this blog before. No, not really. I made up some wack story that linked to their site, but I have never really talked about it. I enrolled in TLTU only four days ago. I was on the fast track to my BA in all things Lisa and Sarah. Well my friends I have graduated. This is what I’ve learned.

*David Boreanaz aka DBo can do no wrong
*You can make a craft out of anything(records, marbles, freezer paper, Postal Service envelopes, etc) Do not underestimate the power of crafting.
*Running a marathon takes too damn long, But I know a crapload of places to practice running.
*Don’t f*** with librarians. They will mess you up.
*Mallory may or may not have had/has a Backstreet Boys Fan site
Plus an assortment of stuff from bikini waxes and emergency underwear to “pink” scrabble and bad dance movies. This is the site dreams are made of.

I just had to say. Anyone up for a Lisa/Sarah quiz off? Because I just might kick your ass!!!!

Happy Birthday Dawney! Remember steam roller on the Provo Temple lawn! I was just thinking of that.

So a guy walks into the library. He’s clearly not the library-type. His long hair is wrapped up in a bandana, and he has dark sunglasses covering bloodshot eyes. His mouth is drawn into a tight, determined purse. Scents of cigarettes and body odor waft off his baggy clothes. His bright orange flip-flops slap lightly on the earthen tile. He makes his way to the librarian’s desk. He stops in front and clears his throat. He pulls one side of his over coat open to reveal a bottle of silverfish. Silverfish, the library book’s worst enemy. Lisa, the librarian, eyes the bottle and looks into his dark lenses.

“What are you planning on doing with those?”, shes inquires coolly. “I’m going to take this place down.”, he slowly responds. Lisa leans in closer and whispers. “Over my dead body.” His eyebrows raise slightly above the rims of his sunglasses. He stutters mildly back at her, “I will. I’ll open this bottle right now and start with section 400 of non-fiction. Language.” “You fool.”, she chides, “You aren’t going anywhere near those bookshelves.”

Sarah, sitting at a nearby table reading the latest Vogue, watches the exchange. She reaches into her purse for her nail clippers. Lisa taps her fingers on a copy of Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment. He slowly reaches for the bottle. Lisa grabs her laser scanner and points it at him, “You have to ask yourself. Do you feel lucky? Well do ya, punk?” His nose twitches. He snatches the vial of silverfish. “You illiterate bastard.” , she mutters as she presses the button on the scanner. A laser flashes in his eye. He cries out and lunges forward at her. Sarah dashes to her feet and flips out the file in her clippers. She stabs the file into his arm. Lisa picks up her date stamper, swings her arm back and pitches a March 14, 2007 at his forehead. “What the..”, he stammers noticing he is now being attacked by two women, “Who are you?” “I’m you’re worst nightmare”, Sarah grumbles at him. Sarah grabs her Prada heel off her foot and smacks him across the face. He starts to panic and drops the vial rolling it across the floor to the card catalog. Lisa picks up the container of silverfish and crams it down his throat. He chokes and dies on his own device. Lisa and Sarah stand over his corpse satisfied to save the books. “You shouldn’t have screwed with my library.”, she says shaking her finger at the body. “Look”, Sarah says pointing to his mouth, “When you shoved that jar down his throat, it gave him two loose teeth.” “That gives me an idea”, Lisa announced.

Read about Lisa and Sarah’s ideas here.