What The Hell Does Rant Mean?

“If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaking suspision love actually is all around.” - Prime Minister

I watched Love Actually last night which went against everything I stood for. For one everyone I know likes this movie which makes me not want to like it(The rebel in me I suppose) and two I hate love stories. However, being generous of holiday spirit and seeing the movie appear on a couple of best of Christmas movies lists, I decided to give it a go. I watched it, and I bet you are thinking it had a profound effect on me. Well it made me think about love a bit anyway.

I’ve never been one to dwell on the word love. It’s a tricky one. It starts with an ‘l’ and ends with an ‘e’, but when you push all those letters together there’s something so complicated. Something I don’t get. Something that I’ve never really wanted to get. Something that I never really like to think about. And yet here I am watching this movie about love and all the ways love manifests itself in the lives of everyone. And stupid brain starts to think, “What’s wrong with love?” You know damn well what’s wrong with it. Love is imperfect. I see that in my life everyday. The pain and worry it causes. The fear. That’s what’s everywhere. That’s all around. But I see these images on the screen before me of people overcome with love. And imagine what it’s like. Like a bottle of Champagne that’s been sitting there for months, maybe years. Now it’s decorked and out of nowhere millions of bubbles materialize. The numbers mutliply and they gather and push their way to the top gaining strength and speed and finally burst out of the top in a fountain of white and gold smelling of fruit and sweet. Is that what love is like? I can’t allow myself to feel that. Cyndi Lauper sang, “There’s a hole in my heart that goes all the way to China.” She’s known love, and now she has an empty space as vast as the planet. I think telling everyone I’m gay did something very wrong with me. Balls! Why the hell am I thinking about love? Who the hell am I? Now I’m pissed!

God, I’m rambling. Anyway I see love. I have a deep and great love for my family and friends. So I know how important it is. But I don’t know LOVE love. I don’t think I ever will and maybe never want to. But to those of you who do. Congratulations. Keep surviving.

I am totally going to regret ever typing this. Totally. And no I’m not drunk, people at work!

No sirree I didn’t. While Sarah and Mallory were busy with Marci at a Ben Lee concert, I was busy doing nothing. I do nothing very well. Desiree and I are always in a laze-off at work. You know, the old who is the laziest person between us contest. She has no idea though how lazy I can get. She actually thinks she’s lazier. Haha! Everyone knows I’m the laziest right? It’s my art. My one specialty. I sit there do nothing, letting my life whiz by me while I stare at televisions and computer screens. So while the girls had a life-changing, concert experience, I watched In the Heat of the Night and ate eggs while sitting.

It’s coming folks!! It’s a straight-to-DVD miracle.  November 27, 2007 is the day. Finally after all this time we get them back. Bender, Fry, Zoidberg, Kwanzabot…..everyone!! I’m happier than a bloodsucker from Omicron Persei 8 at a slaughterhouse.

Over the weekend I’ve watched quite a few movies, classic and modern.

The Bank Dick from 1940 starring W C Fields. This is W C Fields at his drunken best. It’s fun. It’s funny. Why not watch it drunk too?
Running With Scissors from 2006 It’s crazy, sometimes annoying. I enjoyed performances by Gwenyth Paltrow, Kristin Chenoweth(Who doesn’t love Kristin Chenoweth? I ask you.), and Jill Clayburgh. Go ahead and watch it. It’s original, but you’ll only need to watch it once.
Notes On A Scandal from 2006 This was awesome. Put Judi Dench and Cate Blanchett in a film together and they can do no wrong. This is a must watch. MUST WATCH!!
Raging Bull from 1980 with Robert De Niro in an Oscar-winning performance. It was a great film, but I’d never watch it again. Boxing movies make me sleepy. De Niro did well as did Joe Pesci.

Now some people may know how much I love AFI’s top 100 lists. I have always had a goal to watch all the movies on these lists no matter what. The main list I’ve been working on for a few years is their 1997 Top 100 movies of all time. Raging Bull was number 24. This leaves me with 12 more to watch. So what if I’m crazy. I like lists, and I like films. I will let them rule my life if I want.

In case you haven’t heard. My favorite musical composer is Stephen Sondheim. Who wrote Sweeney Todd. Which will be made into a film. Which will star Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Alan Rickman, and Sasha Baron Cohen. Who will all be directed by Tim Burton. Who also directed Vincent D’Onofrio in Ed Wood. Who was in JFK with Kevin Bacon. HA! Now if you’ve never heard of the musical Sweeney Todd, let me just say it’s very good.

Here’s the facts:
*It premiered on Broadway in 1979
*It won eight Tony Awards including Best Actress(Angela Lansbury), Best Actor(Len Cariou), and Best Musical.
*It’s about some killers that bake their victims in meat pies. So…fun!

So are Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, and Helena Bonham Carter the new holy trinity. Just maybe. All I can say is I can’t wait til December 2007 when it hits the big screens.

And I say this in the name of Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, and Helena Bonham Carter. Amen.

P.S. If you exist Lord, please don’t strike me down.

My salute to one of my favorite movies(Becca’s great idea). If you need a new set of movie quotes to freshen your movie quoting repertoire, look no further than Waiting For Guffman. This familiar ensemble of actors is at their wicked best. This is when I fell in love with Catherine O’Hara and Parker Posey. I’ve never laughed harder at a movie than I did here. And you thought I was bad at Little Miss Sunshine. No, no this movie is a never ending box of Krispy Kremes(Eww, it sickens me to see the letter ‘K’ replacing words commonly spelled with a ‘C’. But that’s just me.). Alright here’s a great quote:

Corky St. Clair(played perfectly by Christopher Guest): I think that the elements, as Dr. Watson said to Sherlock, “are coming together, sir.” I was shopping for my wife, Bonnie (I buy most of her clothes). And Mrs. Pearl was in the same shop, and it just was an accident. Y’know, we started talking…about pantyhose. She was saying — w-whatever, that’s not the point of the story, but what the point is was that through this accidental meeting — it’s like, y’know, it’s like a Hitchcock movie, where, you know, you’re thrown into a rubber bag and put in the trunk of a car. You find people; you find them. Something… It - is it karma? Maybe. But we found him; that’s the important thing — and I got Bonnie a wonderful pantsuit.

So watch the movie or die!!