What The Hell Does Rant Mean?

I haven’t really blogged in a very very long time. This is because I don’t care for it. I mainly feel pressured to blog. People all over in my life continually ask me to blog.  Which is not to say I don’t love pleasing people.  I love that part of it.   So I’m coming out of hiding for a minute to say this. I saw a new feminine hygiene commercial. With these ladies getting off a plane I think? Well another lady, who is off the plane to great them, is talking to one of the ladies, Jackie. She says, “Hello Jackie.” Jackie sees here and unpleasantly says, “Mother Nature? Great!” Mother Nature continues, “Here with your monthly gift.” She holds out a red wrapped present. A RED WRAPPED PRESENT!! Then Jackie is like, “Yeah I don’t need you.” And she turns her purse, WHICH IS SEE THROUGH PLASTIC, to show Mother Nature her pearl tampons up against the plastic like a kitten in a pet store window. Why is this girl showing off her tampons?? I’m never known such a girl. AND THE RED PRESENT??? wow! And still everytime I see this commercial I chuckle.

We just got two new kittens last weekend.  They’re still not named yet.  I don’t want to go for the usual pet name.  I want to name them after some literary, film, or television character.  Any ideas?  Please let me know.  So far we have Fry and Bender, maybe Kwanzabot(call him bot, I know. silly.)(Futurama) Um Tim and Eric(though these names lack), sigh.  C’mon people help me out here.  Here they are.  And no they aren’t the same cat.  They are both male.  So please suggest.  Get creative.

For New Years, I spent the evening at Jake and Becca’s house where I always have a room.  Hee hee.  Well needless to say I drank plenty of Jager.  A lot.  But I only drank Jager.  I went to bed fine.  Feeling great.  I wake up in the morning.  Oh dear.  I had inadvertently taken everything out of the nightstand drawer and sicked into the drawer.  I have no recollection of this, but it’s not a very fun way to wake up to the New Year.  Maybe this is a sign I should add no more drink to my list of resolutions.  Quite frankly though, I hate the fact people make resolutions on a specific day of the year when they can just make them anytime.  It’s really just an excuse to misbehave as much as possible during the holidays and “repent” for the New Year’s.  But I guess people need religion in all forms.

Melissa shared this hilarious Canadian public service announcement with me. Enjoy!

For Christmas I am going to do Countdown Advent calendar posts starting at 25 days. Corresponding with these I am counting down my 25 favorite ranked Christmas movies starting with the 25th one. So each day the title of the post will be a quote from the movie and there will be a shot from the movie. You will need to email me your guesses at jeremy at whatthehelldoesrantmean dot com. To qualify you must email me and also comment the post. DO NOT post the answer in comments as this will disqualify you for that point. The first email I receive with the right answer and who has commented that day gets a point. One guess per day please. If you guess more than once the first guess is the only one that counts, so make it count. The answer will appear in the next day’s post. The person with the most points at the end gets a New Years gift(a $50 Border’s gift card).  [UPDATE] to make it more fair the winner will get three points and everyone else who guesses right gets one point.  Only your first guess counts]  There will also be Christmas stories, links to fun things, games, etc. As well as my usual news if there is any. So get excited. It’ll be a fun Christmas. The madness will start tomorrow!!

I am addicted to the TravelPod Traveler IQ Challenge application on facebook.  It may be taking over my life.  It’s all I can think about sadly.  So if you’re talking to me and my eyes are slightly glazed over I’m probably not listening to you.  I’m probably thinking okay so Zaire is no longer a country and Now there is a new Canadian province and a new 5th ocean.  And Indonesia is an assload of islands.  Actually according to the definition of assload, Indonesia is 437.7 assloads of islands.  It’s a fun game for geography nerds.  CAUSE KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!!(said like a public service announcement with enthusiasium)

There. I said it. Ladies and Gentlemen this is your post for the day.

You may have heard me tell this joke while I’m drinking, no?  It comes from Drew Carey’s book “Dirty Jokes and Beer:  Stories of the Unrefined“.  For your pleasure, the joke in question.

There’s a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he hears a voice in his head. The voice says, “Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas.”

He ignores the voice.

Later in the day, he hears the voice again. “Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas.”

Again, he ignores the voice.

Soon he hears the voice every minute of the day. “Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas.”

He can’t take it anymore. He believes the voice. He quits his job, sells his house, takes all his money, and flies to Las Vegas. As soon as he steps off the plane, the voice says, “Go to Caesar’s Palace.”

He goes to Caesar’s Palace.

The voice says, “Make your way to the roulette table.”

He goes to the roulette table.

The voice says, “Put all your money on red 23.”

He puts all his money on red 23.

The dealer spins the wheel. It comes up black 17.

The voice says, “Fuck.”

I spent Thanksgiving with Jen’s family since my family isn’t having theirs until Sunday. It was fun. We ate a lot. We played a lot. I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves.

Here’s Jen and I.(Right) The very elusive Alex and his mom, Jen.(Left) For quite sometime I didn’t know Alex existed because I had never seen him though I’d seen everyone else many, many times. But here he is in the flesh. I just realized there were a lot of green shirts that day.

Lissy and Dylan pulls face for the camera. (Right) Taylor playing Rock Band. Taylor is a most excellent video game guitar player. Everyone had their chance to blow everyone else away with their Rock Star prowess, well except me. I don’t know any rock songs well enough to get by.

Brett(filled with Thanksgiving spirit, making a face, or too much monkey bread)(right). Brad and his mom, Jen.(left) Brad was one of the best at Rock Band. He excels at everything he does. I can understand this being a genius myself. I’m not very modest. I guess I don’t excel at that. Haha!

Finally a true picture of Jen.(left) See the evil eye? She finally did it without cracking a smile. Congratulations. Alex texting Jen to get us the hell out of there.(right) Haha! She unfortunately never got them til after we had already left. It was great fun though. The food was delicious. I gained another panda bear. Thanks for letting me come Jen!

So as I promised. I am almost finished with the Christmas decorations in my cubicle. I did promise pictures. This is the tree without lights on in the day. And the tree with the lights on during night. Notice the ornaments hanging from the ceiling. You can also see me in the window taking the picture, seeing as how wonderful a photographer I am. I got the tree, ornaments and ribbon at Robert’s Crafts. The lights are from luxurious Wal-Mart. I hate that place so much. The last picture is the other side of my cubicle. You can see ornaments hanging from underneath the shelf. My new flat widescreen monitor. Which I love. My Dexter advertisement stand-up(Thank you, Jake. By the way my supervisor, Jen would “kill” for one if you have anymore lying around at work. Plus it’s her birthday and that would score some bonus points for me). You can also see my messy desk. And a bottle of Dr. Pepper and Coke to fuel my lucidity. So there you have it. My holiday work environment. Plus you’ll notice I have a window view. Which I love as well.