What The Hell Does Rant Mean?

These are my ten reasons I hate camping. If you must know.

10. Bad weather, bugs and dirt
9. Smelling like a campfire(although you never realize how bad it is until you get home and shower and go to throw your clothes in the hamper and nearly die of a stroke from the smell. Sorry if you’ve had a stroke before. I’m not trying to be insensitive to the stroke-related community)
8. No stores, hospitals or hotels close by
7. Defecating outdoors(rolls eyes)
6. No comforts of home(I want my MTV and armchair)
5. Packing shit, unpacking shit(I know. I know. I usually just sit around and watch while other people do that. So what. It’s exhausting watching how hard they are working.)
4. Tents(I hate the smell of tents, I hate the sound of tents, I hate the feel of tents)
3. Other Campers surrounding you.(I hate when people are in your visual sight of where you are camping. I want to be isolated.)
2. Sleeping on the freaking ground(Nothing is funner than waking up with a damn sore back, care of mother nature)
1. Stupid freaking allergies. vomit vomit vomit

So yes I hate camping. I hate it very much. I don’t understand why people need to go camping frequently. I like camping in hotels. Does someone want to camp at the Doubletree Inn? Fine. I’m in. But don’t ask me to camp. Please DEAR GOD PLEASE. I don’t want to do it.

“It was full day of eating for both” - Narrator from Into the Woods speaking of Little Red Riding Hood, who had been eating sweets all day long and The Big Bad Wolf who had eaten Little Red Riding Hood.

Jen picked me up at five to eleven because Brett had been filling the van with gas. She had specifically said “ten to eleven”, but here she was. I knew we’d never be friends again as I prefer my friends not to lie to me and to be on time. We drove to Verio to get Desiree and Dorise. Neither were there. More late friends. (shakes head slow in disappointment) Well we got underway at last. We were headed to Caputo’s Market. When we arrived the Farmer’s market was going on across the street from Caputo’s. So we circled the parking for quite a while looking for a close space so fatty(me) didn’t have to do much walking. What? I’m lazy! Anyway we had to walk through the farmer’s market or as some people call it the hippie festival(Desiree). Which it was, as we soon smelled wafts of pot smoke working its way through the crowd. Which after a while made me think. I have the munchies.

So we went to Carlucci’s. I had the most delicious lunch. Two half sandwiches. One Black Forest Ham and Brie(which was pretty good). One herbed garlic goat cheese(which made me cry and stand up and applaud and ask for an encore) After I was asked to leave, I snuck back in and finished my fruit tart, my AMAZING fruit tart. I also had a raspberry cream Italian soda. Everyone tried it but Desiree. I knew we’d never be friends again as I hate it when people don’t try things.

After lunch we went into Caputo’s Market where I went crazy. I got some awesome olive oil(It was unfiltered and very flavorful), some anchovie paste, tomato paste(both in tubes), some San Marzano canned tomatoes(the best according to everyone on the food network), an assortment of cheeses(Manchego(my current favorite), Jarlsberg, and Gruyere), a couple meats(Prosciutto di Parma and Pancetta), a couple cases of lemon soda, some wonderfully wrapped pastas, and some other things which I won’t bore you with(Dijon Mustard, Arborio Rice and chocolates). I only spent $135. That’s not bad right? RIGHT?

Then it was off to the wine store. We all wanted some wine to cook with and some of us wanted to get some to drink(Why are you all looking at me? Shut it!) Dorise needed a specific wine that was wrote on a piece of paper. I knew we would never be friends again as I hate when people go by shopping lists. I never did find out what kind of wine either. Anyhow I got a great Chianti(No I didn’t get fava beans(Which, by the way, are a lot like Lima beans), a nice Pinot Noir, and a Chardonnay.

Then it was back to home. It was a good day.

That night I went with Jen’s family(Jen, Brett, Brad and Lissy) to Superbad. It was the greatest comedy of the year for sure. A very good Saturday indeed. And now I’m ready to cook.

There! There’s your stupid blog post everyone! Now get off my back!