What The Hell Does Rant Mean?

As inspired by Desiree, another conversation with my body.

At work, in the very early morning, standing in front of the vending machine.

Stomach: Just get something! We’re starving here.
Fat Storage: Oh get those zingers. Oh the creamy fatness. We need some new friends in here.
Brain: You have plenty of friends! We just sent a bunch of Latinos down last night from that Mexican Pizza.
Large Intestines: Yes, and they have been partying it up down here allll night!
Fat Storage: What about Cheetos? Can we get Cheetos?
Brain: NO!!! We need to eat healthier here.
Fingers: (Puts in a dollar. Dollar comes back out.) What? no. (Puts in dollar. Dollar comes back out.) NO!! (Smooths out dollar and puts back in machine. Dollar comes back out) I’LL KILL YOU!! (Pounds on machine.) I WILL KICK YOU IN THE GLASS!
Brain: Just put in coins.
Fingers: IT’S THE PRINCIPLE!
Brain: C’mon just do it. We don’t have all day.
Stomach: And we’re staaaaaarrving.
Brain: Quiet you.
Fingers: FINE!!!! (Puts in change)
Eyes: (Reads ‘4F’)
Fingers: (Type in 4F, A bag of Skittles falls down.)
Brain: What did you just do? WHAT DID YOU JUST DO, FINGERS????
Fingers: I was just doing what the eyes told me.
Eyes: Hey now, I didn’t say anything.
Tongue: OH MAN, I hate skittles.
Fingers: What? Sorry. I thought that….SORRY.
Brain: Great. Just great.
Stomach: Just eat them already.
Tongue: No!! We are not eating those disgusting sugary puke nuggets.
Vocal Chords: Hey Aaron, do you want these Skittles? I accidentally got them.
Aaron: Sure.
Stomach: WHAT?? This is no time to be charitable.
Vocal Chords: Sorry, I’m closer to the tongue and I don’t want to hear his whiny ass all day.
Stomach: Well get something.
Fat Storage: Oooo, How about some cheese crackers? I love the Swiss.
Brain: NO, Shut your mouth, fat.
Fat Storage: Well you know there’s a hell of a lot more of us than you.
Brain: What are you saying?
Fat Storage: It’s means whatever you think it means.
Brain: You wouldn’t. You have plenty of friends. We’re trying to get into shape.
Fat Storage: And we’re doing a good job. It’s time for a reward.
Brain: Walking to the vending machine is not enough exercise to merit a reward.
Fat Storage: Don’t use big words with me. FINGERS, PUSH 7C.
Brain: NO, DON’T YOU DARE. YOU BETTER NOT LAY ONE FINGER ON THOSE BUTTONS.
Fat Storage: YOU BETTER FINGERS. I SHIT YOU NOT!
Fingers: Sorry Brain, the Fat scares me. (Pushes 7C, The Jumbo Twinkies fall down)
Stomach: Finally!
Brain: I hate you Fat!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 19th, 2007 at 3:04 pm and is filed under Conversations. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.