What The Hell Does Rant Mean?

In sixth grade I had hair growing long over my eyes, so much so when my English teacher asked me to read a sentence on the board, which I did successfully, she exclaimed, “How can you see through that shaggy-dog hair”. That’s when Nicole Harmon started calling me Shaggy. (Yes I realize the irony of having the nickname Shaggy. Shut up!!(YES BECAUSE I’M BALD! I DIDN’T SAY START TALKING!!!)) Yes the nickname caught on like sweater sleeves near wall nails. The whole student body, even until I graduated high school in 1993, called me Shaggy. I still run into people who have a quizzical look on their face as they stutter through, “Shhh….Shaggy?” I stare daggers back at them and walk off. I’m dramatic. What can I say. Anyhow. Flip forward two years. In eighth grade, I started my monthly periodical, “The Shaggy Newsletter”. It was wildly popular. I was selling my popular newspaper like some other popular newspaper. I charged 50¢ for a year subscription to my pape(Newsie reference. Yeah.). It was my own version of “The Enquirer”. Basically I made up a bunch of lies about other students. Everyone seemed glad and honored when they achieved such a status as being lied about in my paper. Until one day Ryan Wood punched me in the back hard, because he was indeed not dating Sharlene Haskell. I hadn’t realized how violent the paper biz was. It was all too much for me. That was the day my newspaper began it’s steady descent into nothingness. But for awhile I was a regular William Randolph Hearst. I even stole my newspaper printing supplies from a certain alternative high school when my best friend, Courtney Peterson’s dad, Boyd, was janitor for the school. Courtney Peterson was my best friend, not his dad. I realize how weird that sounded. I’m also not saying Mr Hearst stole his supplies either. Hee. Hmmmmm. Well my point is I’m bald now. But I was once hairful and popular. I promise. Love me damn you!!

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 3rd, 2007 at 7:35 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.