What The Hell Does Rant Mean?

I recently had very important discussion with Lisa.

Lisa: in case of zombie infestation
Lisa: would you…
Lisa: A
Lisa: go to the nearest costco where they have gas pumps, a mechanics shop, food (and food prep areas), furniture, barbecues, tvs, dvds, books, clothing, diamonds, and pretty much anything you could ask for all in one location?
Lisa: or B
Lisa: choose a large municipal building like a school or church with open fields nearby, build a wall around it, and send out missions for food and supplies, etc
hobbes8u: Oh definitely Costco
Lisa: THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING
hobbes8u: And I think it’s worth mentioning their twelve pack muffins outside of the general label food
Lisa: i might have slanted the scenarios a bit in favor of costco, but that’s the general idea. i forget all the benefits of the compound BECAUSE REALLY, BUILD A WALL?
Lisa: oh, damn, those muffins ARE tasty
hobbes8u: No kidding
hobbes8u: And where are they gonna get the material for the wall I might ask
Lisa: excellent question
Lisa: probably from dismantling the nearby houses
Lisa: i’ll have to ask blake
Lisa: is is the major proponent of the compound idea
hobbes8u: haha
Lisa: the first is was supposed to be a “he” there
hobbes8u: No costco. You see those food missions alone are highly dangerous
hobbes8u: And you’d have to make them often
hobbes8u: costco eliminates that need
Lisa: that’s what i said! i think blake’s plan is supposed to be more of a long-term solution. like, we would plant crops and have cattle and things.
Lisa: i’m not sure where we would get the cattle in metropolitan salt lake city. like, can you send away for them in capsules in the back of boy’s life magazine?
hobbes8u: But wouldn’t the zombies die off within in a month or so
Lisa: well i guess it depends on the zombie myth you buy into
Lisa: if it’s the rage virus, then yes
…
hobbes8u: ….It’s the rage virus that makes quick zombies. The normal variety are quite lethargic.
hobbes8u: and that would open up more choices
Lisa: so, slower zombies means more time to build a wall, but i don’t think traditional zombies ever die
hobbes8u: That’s true.
hobbes8u: And a timeshare in Aspen isn’t going to help
Lisa: heee. not in any way that i can see
hobbes8u: I’m going to think on this some more. It does intrigue me.

So what are your thoughts? Who knows when zombies are going to take over. WHO KNOWS WHEN??? And with popular zombie movies appearing more frequently, we need to start talking about this now.

06:37:57 AM: Receive text from Becca “We’re on our way! Probably about thirty minutes away.”
07:08:19 AM: Receive text message from Becca “We’s almost there.”
07:15: They’s here. Take Becca’s wild tour of Orem and Provo part one. Pass Six Flags: Car Wash Country.
07:30: Arrive at Village Inn for Breakfast. I order Chicken Fried Steak Breakfast. Mallory orders her usual Denver Omelet(We discuss why it’s called Denver Omelet and reason that it’s imported from The Mile High City itself), Becca orders something with no meat and wheat toast. Waitress brings me some sort of Chicken Fried Scramble thing. I look at it puzzled. I tell her I didn’t order the scramble thing. She assures me that I did, but she’ll fix it. I mentally flip her off.
08:30: Head to Becca’s parents to get newspaper. Continue with Becca’s wild tour. Pass Becca’s elementary school where she borrowed her mom’s earring and dropped them down a grate.
08:45: Arrive at Becca’s parents. Eat pumpkin-pecan cookies, Do Becca’s Mom’s crossword puzzle, Receive garden tour(This time sober), find garage sales in newspaper.
09:15: Garage Sailing(Because Garage sales are magical places you can float to by a magical boat. DON’T QUESTION BECCA!! SHE’LL CLAWS YOUR EYES OUT!!) Stop at Drive-thru Gas station from caffeinationery implamentation. Due to the weather, only found a few sales. Decide to go to Savers.
11:12: Arrive at Savers. Find sweet Spirograph and Old Chemistry Kit. Found the greatest couch in the world. And it was green. Didn’t buy because where am I going to put the couch? I cry because I can’t get the couch. I really love that couch. If I could go back on my life and change one thing it would be to get that couch.
12:11: Arrive at Animal Ark. Look at the adorable bunnies. Look at the adorable puppies. Look at the adorable turtle. I wish I had an adorable pet.
12:29: Continue with last leg of Becca’s wild tour. Spot elementary school rummage sale. Car jittery with delight. I am dismayed to see a jungle gym of clothing. Listen in on a conversation between two little girls. (Oh my gosh Brooklyn this purse would match your shoes. Oh yeah they would I love it. Quick go ask your mom if you can get it. Go.) The girls do not end up with the accessory. Mallory finds a bargain on some shirts.
01:16: Decide to go eat lunch at Osaka. Park in the back. Find interesting outdoor secret spot. Find interesting indoor secret spot. Everyone has sudden need to wazz. Find locked restroom. Sadly go to Osaka. Notice their “eat here, piss free” key. Rejoice. Have the best lunch ever. Mallory doesn’t even feel need to vomit. Sit in indoor secret spot’s couches. Relish the comfort. Contemplate nap. Decide we need more caffeine.
02:30: Head to Barnes and Noble. Girls wazz. Jeremy waits. Jeremy stops waiting. I find play(Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?). Then sit by cookbooks and dream. Girls find me. Head to cafe to read books. See crazy mullet guy. Grab last table after overhearing some other girls looking for one. Take that other girls!! Talk to Mallory and Becca instead of reading. Mallory inspires me and Becca to get notebooks. Head to Shepherd’s Cake and Candy to get Victorian something chocolates. They no longer sell them. CURSES!!
03:30: Go to Becca’s parents and listen to her mom play piano. She’s very good.
04:30: Arrive back at home as the bast Saturday ever ends. The girls wave to me as they leave. I wish I was dead.

Read Mallory’s account of the day here

No one likes a tattle-tale.

In sixth grade I had hair growing long over my eyes, so much so when my English teacher asked me to read a sentence on the board, which I did successfully, she exclaimed, “How can you see through that shaggy-dog hair”. That’s when Nicole Harmon started calling me Shaggy. (Yes I realize the irony of having the nickname Shaggy. Shut up!!(YES BECAUSE I’M BALD! I DIDN’T SAY START TALKING!!!)) Yes the nickname caught on like sweater sleeves near wall nails. The whole student body, even until I graduated high school in 1993, called me Shaggy. I still run into people who have a quizzical look on their face as they stutter through, “Shhh….Shaggy?” I stare daggers back at them and walk off. I’m dramatic. What can I say. Anyhow. Flip forward two years. In eighth grade, I started my monthly periodical, “The Shaggy Newsletter”. It was wildly popular. I was selling my popular newspaper like some other popular newspaper. I charged 50¢ for a year subscription to my pape(Newsie reference. Yeah.). It was my own version of “The Enquirer”. Basically I made up a bunch of lies about other students. Everyone seemed glad and honored when they achieved such a status as being lied about in my paper. Until one day Ryan Wood punched me in the back hard, because he was indeed not dating Sharlene Haskell. I hadn’t realized how violent the paper biz was. It was all too much for me. That was the day my newspaper began it’s steady descent into nothingness. But for awhile I was a regular William Randolph Hearst. I even stole my newspaper printing supplies from a certain alternative high school when my best friend, Courtney Peterson’s dad, Boyd, was janitor for the school. Courtney Peterson was my best friend, not his dad. I realize how weird that sounded. I’m also not saying Mr Hearst stole his supplies either. Hee. Hmmmmm. Well my point is I’m bald now. But I was once hairful and popular. I promise. Love me damn you!!