What The Hell Does Rant Mean?

So a guy walks into the library. He’s clearly not the library-type. His long hair is wrapped up in a bandana, and he has dark sunglasses covering bloodshot eyes. His mouth is drawn into a tight, determined purse. Scents of cigarettes and body odor waft off his baggy clothes. His bright orange flip-flops slap lightly on the earthen tile. He makes his way to the librarian’s desk. He stops in front and clears his throat. He pulls one side of his over coat open to reveal a bottle of silverfish. Silverfish, the library book’s worst enemy. Lisa, the librarian, eyes the bottle and looks into his dark lenses.

“What are you planning on doing with those?”, shes inquires coolly. “I’m going to take this place down.”, he slowly responds. Lisa leans in closer and whispers. “Over my dead body.” His eyebrows raise slightly above the rims of his sunglasses. He stutters mildly back at her, “I will. I’ll open this bottle right now and start with section 400 of non-fiction. Language.” “You fool.”, she chides, “You aren’t going anywhere near those bookshelves.”

Sarah, sitting at a nearby table reading the latest Vogue, watches the exchange. She reaches into her purse for her nail clippers. Lisa taps her fingers on a copy of Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment. He slowly reaches for the bottle. Lisa grabs her laser scanner and points it at him, “You have to ask yourself. Do you feel lucky? Well do ya, punk?” His nose twitches. He snatches the vial of silverfish. “You illiterate bastard.” , she mutters as she presses the button on the scanner. A laser flashes in his eye. He cries out and lunges forward at her. Sarah dashes to her feet and flips out the file in her clippers. She stabs the file into his arm. Lisa picks up her date stamper, swings her arm back and pitches a March 14, 2007 at his forehead. “What the..”, he stammers noticing he is now being attacked by two women, “Who are you?” “I’m you’re worst nightmare”, Sarah grumbles at him. Sarah grabs her Prada heel off her foot and smacks him across the face. He starts to panic and drops the vial rolling it across the floor to the card catalog. Lisa picks up the container of silverfish and crams it down his throat. He chokes and dies on his own device. Lisa and Sarah stand over his corpse satisfied to save the books. “You shouldn’t have screwed with my library.”, she says shaking her finger at the body. “Look”, Sarah says pointing to his mouth, “When you shoved that jar down his throat, it gave him two loose teeth.” “That gives me an idea”, Lisa announced.

Read about Lisa and Sarah’s ideas here.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 14th, 2007 at 5:32 pm and is filed under Lisa, Sarah. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.