Yes I love Shirley Q Liquor. She makes me laugh hard. And yes I’m stolen her material before. That’s how I roll. But without further ado.
Shirley Q. Liquor’s
ASTROLOGICAL FO’CAST
AQUARIUS: You are so bull-headed, quit tellin’ people what da do. You such a control freak - tha’s yo’ prollem.
PISCES: All yo’ recent lies and secrets is fitt’na come out honey, like the Ken Starr Report. You better hire you a Lawyer.
VIRGO: Today is not a day to go around puttin’ yo white glove in people houses to see if it be clean or not. Go clean yo own tub fo’ a change.
LEO: Leo the depressed. Have you taken yo, uh, nerve medication this week? Because er’body be wonderin’.
CANCER: Caowncer, wich’ yo moon faced, moody self - go ahead on and hang up on people den. Stay home - see if anybody care.
GEMINI: Ginimye, Ginimye With all the snickers bars and the 72 oz big gulp pepsi cola in each hand talkin bout why did I become diabetical. You need to quit.
SAGGITARIUS: Saginnarus which’ yo bad taste. Today is a good day fo’ you to head out to K-Mark or Wal-Mark and buy you some 3 dollar shoes!
CAPRICORN: Capreesha-corn. All Capric-corsha-corns is a chemical dependindancy, dis’ is a well known fack, but it is yo’ cheapness ‘dat is gonna hurt you today. Go ahead, spend a dolla.
ARIES: Ay-reez, all ‘dem notes you been writing to yo’self about yo’ diet - because you is a diet FREAK, is ficken’a be found. And somebody gonna go through yo diet peels. (pills)
TAURUS: Toe-russ, who ever you is, you be sleepin’ wit’ other people husbands - and you’er wrong fo’ dat.
LIBRA: Libra is the most IGNENT of all the Astrological Fo’cast. Today is a bad day fo’ Libra. Yo’ car will probly flood out, yo’ brakes is gonna fail and yo’ driver license is gonna git revoke. But that have never stop you in da’ pass. (past)
SCORPIO: Scorpicko, yo’ sex crazy ways are ficken’a be told - er’body be knowin’ what you be durrin’ (doing) because you are too ignent not to be coverin’ yo’ tracks.
This is Shirley Q. Liquor. Lucky in da’ Stars! Bye Hunnie!
